This page was last updated: December 5, 2011

FAIL PICTURES

A redneck came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into the bar for a cold one. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?' The redneck said it was his. 'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said. The redneck replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.' The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs bred. No way,' said the redneck. 'That dog don't need bread. She ain't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning'.' The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand; your dog wants to have sex!' The redneck looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.

A mamager in a big company needed to contact one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered voice on the first ring, "Hello?" "Is your Daddy home?" the boss quickly asked. "Yes", whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?" the man asked, feeling somewhat put-off by this delay. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." "Son, is there any one there besides you?" the boss impatiently asked the child. "Yes", whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper.", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed voice the child answered, "The police just landed the hello-copper!" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?" After a muffled giggle, the young voice replied in a very low whisper, "They're looking for me!"

I phoned the police the other day. "What's your emergency?" they asked. I said, "Two girls are fighting over me." "OK," she paused. "Well what's the problem?" "The fat one's winning."

Police suspect foul play in the death of "Smokin Joe Frazier" ...... They're currently grilling George Foreman.

A drunk phoned police

to report that thieves had been in his car.

"They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line.

"Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."

RETIREDPIGGY2001